1) Stayed at my in-laws house last weekend, they were out of town, we were in town. I was looking at a calendar that Ryan and I gave his mother for Christmas - lots of pretty pictures of moons. I realised that Petra had visited the weekend that I visited the last time . At the time, his mother had seemed somewhat cagey on the phone and I had felt from the beginning that she was sort of trying to dissuade me from visiting. Now I realise that it was because Petra was coming. So I feel rotten because she didn't tell me and give me the option of deciding on my own whether or not things would be awkward. And if the decision wasn't up to me - if it was Petra she was worried about upsetting, then I'm even more upset. Because Petra shouldn't get to decide whether or not I see my in-laws let alone whether Elinor gets to see her grandparents.
I had thought that my relationship with my mother-in-law was such that she could discuss these things with me. I found out that Ryan told his parents "not to mention Petra" which is a little infuriating. I still need to figure that one out. It seems like he did that for his sake more than mine - maybe he is just tired of me being upset by the whole thing and figured that if I never heard about her, I'd forget about it.
Another reason I feel rotten: it seems that no matter how crazy Petra is and insanelyand awful, Cat has chosen to maintain a relationship with her. Ryan thinks that the relationship is one-sided, but Cat would never have chosen Petra over me (and her grand-daughter) if it were. I would like to say, let's say bygones are bygones, but I can't because obviously there is still a need to keep Petra and me and Petra and Ryan apart. Why they accommodate her when she isn't actually family (and we are!) is beyond me and very hurtful.
My therapist says I have two options, neither of which are appealing. Withdraw emotionally or try to talk to Cat directly. I find the former sad and the latter embarrassing because I am embarrassed that I can't seem to stop feeling hurt about a thing that happened 6 years ago. She also says that it is weird that Cat scheduled a vacation when we were going to be in town. I am inclined to think it was an oversight, but who the hell knows.
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